Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
