So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
