i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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