So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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