Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
