Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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