just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
