half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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