Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
