haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just tell him i said nine months
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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