OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
