We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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