i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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