Nicole vs. Life
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
