Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
