Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
