You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
