I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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