what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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