I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
