My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
third nipple confirmed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
