yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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