He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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