1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize