All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
cat food counts as protein by the way
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
