I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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