That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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