It's Friday. Sex?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
