Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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