I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
