I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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