just tell him i said nine months
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
