you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
