The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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