he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
