I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
