she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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