I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
