No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
