'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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