You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
