My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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