Plan B is the new Plan A
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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