You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
