booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
