I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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