put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Randomize
