We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
this boner is exhausting
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
