We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dear god my vagina.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
