Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
