6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
FUCK WHALES
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
