Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
